Choices that Led Me Here

inspired by George Rodrigue’s painting, Hawaiian Blues

The ocean’s bluer than the eyes I once gazed into,

the trees are greener than the greenest grass we ever rolled in,

mountains so beautiful I almost forget her face-—

I call it paradise.

A lifetime in paradise

surrounded by the exquisite beauty of my friends;

they cling to me,

vampires to the joy running through my veins.

I chose this dazzling,

unprecedented beauty as my companion,

who would ever want to leave?

Yet my eyes grow heavier by the day,

I may say they burn with the sting of exhaustion

but in truth, it is the tears attempting to take control

Can I keep going?

the deepened sense of emptiness swallows my heart

like the great whale of the sea;

loneliness seems to haunt my nights

Like ghosts of my past.

I lie awake convinced I have found peace in my chosen paradise

yet I find nothing but a gaping hole

where I believe

I once held happiness,

where I once held her.

Distraction.

Don’t think of her;

don’t think of what you had,

don' think of what you lost;

Pretty butterflies,

Pretty water,

Pretty life.